Link to the linkedin post can be found here: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/activity-7051322090183929856-8b4R?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop
I whole heartedly thank you Ryan Mckergow, Leon Gray and my Elabor8 family for the support you have shown me in this tough situation. Rishma Malhotra, Jessica Prasad, Ammara and Kiran, you have proved to be my rocks in sailing through this massive loss. I can’t thank you enough for being around and helping me pull from a dark place.
إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ
“Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.” [Qur’an 2:156]
Easter was a celebration for many families but in our family we faced three deaths back to back in a fortnight. The biggest loss was when my dearest Aga passed away, followed by the untimely demise of my most closest family member, my beloved best friend, my north star, my twin soul, my dearest Ali Samar on 6th April 2023, 12:03pm AEST.
My father used to tell me
To see someone a moment is enough, to like someone a day is enough, to love someone a year is enough, but to forget that one face this one life is not enough. This is what true relationships are about.
I never anticipated the day I will be bidding you farewell. This is the most devastating day of my life since the death of dad. It has taught me further about mortality and how uncertain life is. In our last conversation, I clearly remember you mentioned these words to me
The show must go on ….
When dad died, a part of me died and when you died, something further has broken inside me. I know, you must be feeling the separation as well. The eyes which were so bright, I saw them losing the life in-front of me. I know you always use to compare whose eyes were more cheeky, mine or yours. I say definitely yours and you left with so many things unsaid. You were never a burden. I hope you know that, I have not only lost my family or best friend but a part of my soul. I will never know why the last few months happened and why you did not share with me the things that you kept inside your heart. I am not angry at you, I am just angry at myself that I will never know “Why”? We were a family, I would have never left. I wish i was in better health, capability and mental capacity to support you and Aga.
I know you are safe with dad and Aga now. I know you are at a better place where there is no pain. You were son of a soldier and I must say you fought well and you fought hard. Kainat(Rubab) mom will keep you safe forever now. I know you used to miss her the most and she is with you now forever. Samar, you encouraged me to come to Australia. This journey back home on 25th April will be the toughest journey of my life. We came together and now I take you back in my heart. My heart breaks into million pieces thinking that when I go back now, and I walk into your and Aga room, they both will be empty. I won’t hear the voice of Aga scolding me to work less and eat properly. She won’t be partnering with mom to tell me stories of our royal background. There won’t be you with whom I will have our famous breakfast and tea OR there won’t be you with whom I will be able to sit and share a heart to heart talk. There won’t be you with whom I can sit together and build the goals and dreams. Sam you were my north star in many ways. I didn’t lose you only, I lost my north-star.
Sam, I don’t want to shed tears in writing about you. I want to remember you with a smile on my face. You were my twin soul, we were each other’s mirror. We always kept each other accountable. You were one of the most intelligent, vulnerable, strong and empathetic person I have ever known in my life. Losing you have created a void in my life which will never be filled. We had so many dreams and goals together. You left with so many incomplete dreams. Life is not fair at times. I promise you, your three biggest dreams of
- Building a cancer laboratory for poor people
- Supporting education of under privileged children
- Building a home called “Zaidi Heights”
I will do everything in my capacity to contribute and full-fill these dreams. That will be the only way I can show respect to a beautiful soul as you.
You were my biggest cheer leader and supporter. I will put some snippets which were shared to me by your friends and some snippets of your messages to me to honour a beautiful soul like you. These are the documents of your life which can never be amended or changed. I will keep them close to my heart forever.
I don’t understand how to move on from a loss like this. I just learnt to move on from dad’s loss and seems like someone ripped the bandit from that wound to make it fresh. I will never hear you laughing now or getting over protective about your specks. 26th July 2022 till date has changed everything in our family. I wish I can press a delete BUTTON and delete this date from our lives. I will never be able to forget the last month, the pain and suffering you went through. I wish dad or you were around Sam to tell me as usual
Bee, everything will be okay
People don’t mature with years, they mature with damage and pain. Grief does not change you, it reveals you. I will never be able to remain the same without you. I will just pass this message to everyone that life is short, it’s very short. If you have people around you whom you care about, please reach out to them. Tell them “I love you“. Kindness and empathy costs nothing. Do not live with “what-if’s“. Leave your ego’s aside and destroy the walls and build bridges. In relationships, there is no person who is all good and there is no person who is all bad. There is no person who is all bright and there is no person who is all dark. Everyone has everything. The experience of our life is a commutative sum total of choices we make, so make conscious choices. Don’t make choices on the autopilot mode. You don’t think, you don’t deliberate, you don’t make conscious choices and then there is so much room of regret later. My only thing is, before making choices make thoughtful, deliberated and conscious choices. Don’t rush into things. We can define the experience later. Regrets are worst to live with. Show care and spread love.
I am not a great writer like you. I do not have anymore words left in me to write so this one last time, I will write your favourite poem and I believe we chose it because we knew,
Forever does not seem too far away.
Sometimes it is after we lose someone when we learn to love.
Where hope, and dreams greet, and everything is perfect the way it was meant to be.
So hear me, soon enough, we will meet again, old friend.
I will carry your soul in my heart.
The same heart you helped me build.
In the end I will say
You don’t always need to tell your side of story. Time will.
I saved a little bit of love just in case you would ever return home. Memories are links in a golden chain that bind us until we meet again.
I will love you and Aga forever.
Our whole cohort is mourning at Monash for this loss Bee. We all are trying to reach you and totally understand you need space in this time. May his soul RIP. He was a divine and beautiful soul. No words to describe the loss. Pls consider me like your sister. reach out to me or call me whenever you like. xoxo Alanah